Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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