Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
