just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
