you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
