It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
