it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Oh god it's open bar.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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