I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
