After last night, I could never be a politician.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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