I'm really into asian looking animals
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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