Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
