what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Can you bring me the toilet please
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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