Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
