Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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