Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.