I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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