so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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