I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I love having hate sex.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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