I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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