I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
