how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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