It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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