Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
