Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
