what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I have peed in a lot of sinks
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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