ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
