I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
