May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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