some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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