Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
