Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
