if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
