thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
