there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
me + whiskey = a bad person
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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