you turned your livingroom into a bong?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
why is half of my head shaved?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
