My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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