Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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