Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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