Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
