if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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