booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
