someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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