I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
