my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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