i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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