Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
