Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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