I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
should my penis look like a turkey
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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