I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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