The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
