I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
