Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
