Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
