i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
