you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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