in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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