I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Randomize
