if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
